Sure I'm sure.
Sonofabitch. Why am I still awake? Ugh.
I've had the flu for the past week. Another 'Ugh'. I'm pretty sure I'm on the downhill side of it now, but seriously, being sick is not fun. Playing hookey is fun. Being sick is just not.
Back to the question of why the hell I'm still awake...I still don't know, but now there's actual daylight coming through my window. This is bad. It certainly doesn't bode well for falling asleep later. I hate actually being sick.
As for the rest of me...well, it's become pretty clear that not only do I miss singing and acting, but I actually think about Hilltones and/or Chambers all the time. You wouldn't believe the thoughts in my head, but for some reason, I just don't think of them as being so crazy. For instance, I think about the recordings we made last year, and how I would have loved to do them properly. Sometimes I think we could still do it; sorta call everyone up and set a date or something. It's ridiculous, I think, but the idea keeps coming to mind. I would have loved to sing one more year with that group. If I had the chance, I'd sing with them right now. I listen to Off The Beat, or the GFS CD's and I have all these grand visions of singing again...
Once more it dawns on me (no pun intended, as the light in my room increases) how much I write about the past. I hate to admit it, but right now I feel like I've already seen my 'glory days' or prime or whatever you want to call it. I'm in a slump. The truth is that I'm not as happy right now as I was during high school. Pratt is a wonderful school, but It is strictly an art school and personally, I'm just not sure I feel like I belong there. On the other hand, I don't know where I belong. And while I haven't made a lot of really good friends up there, the few I have made mean a lot.
I would be lying if I said I didn't know exactly what I wanted.
I would also be saying a lot more than I'd want to if I talked about that.
I'm sorry. I just...I just don't trust myself that often when I'm in these situations.
One thing I'm sure of - I'd audition for a group with Graceland.
I've had the flu for the past week. Another 'Ugh'. I'm pretty sure I'm on the downhill side of it now, but seriously, being sick is not fun. Playing hookey is fun. Being sick is just not.
Back to the question of why the hell I'm still awake...I still don't know, but now there's actual daylight coming through my window. This is bad. It certainly doesn't bode well for falling asleep later. I hate actually being sick.
As for the rest of me...well, it's become pretty clear that not only do I miss singing and acting, but I actually think about Hilltones and/or Chambers all the time. You wouldn't believe the thoughts in my head, but for some reason, I just don't think of them as being so crazy. For instance, I think about the recordings we made last year, and how I would have loved to do them properly. Sometimes I think we could still do it; sorta call everyone up and set a date or something. It's ridiculous, I think, but the idea keeps coming to mind. I would have loved to sing one more year with that group. If I had the chance, I'd sing with them right now. I listen to Off The Beat, or the GFS CD's and I have all these grand visions of singing again...
Once more it dawns on me (no pun intended, as the light in my room increases) how much I write about the past. I hate to admit it, but right now I feel like I've already seen my 'glory days' or prime or whatever you want to call it. I'm in a slump. The truth is that I'm not as happy right now as I was during high school. Pratt is a wonderful school, but It is strictly an art school and personally, I'm just not sure I feel like I belong there. On the other hand, I don't know where I belong. And while I haven't made a lot of really good friends up there, the few I have made mean a lot.
I would be lying if I said I didn't know exactly what I wanted.
I would also be saying a lot more than I'd want to if I talked about that.
I'm sorry. I just...I just don't trust myself that often when I'm in these situations.
One thing I'm sure of - I'd audition for a group with Graceland.
posted by Tilly at 6:04 AM
1 Comments:
No one's really sure of what they want anyway. We're really all just kids, and we don't know what we want simply because there is so much we don't know. I think what you really need is to stop romanticizing the past. That'll be the first step to realizing that maybe what you do/will want can actually come to you in the future, in the present even. The past was awesome -- yes, I think so too -- but you need to allow yourself to see that your past experiences were only setting the foundation and preparing you for even greater things to come. You need to actually believe that for it to come true. You'll get there.
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