Snippets
I have always been a people watcher. this was probably one of the first qualities I recognized in myself - basically, it always seems like i'm paying attention to the wrong person. you may have noticed, especially if you happen to catch a glimpse of me during a movie, concert, speech, or play. It's probably the most obvious when I'm watching a movie I'm not particularly into or have seen a dozen times before because I'll become much more interested in what how other people are watching it. it's just more interesting to me, to see how another person reacts to something, even more so when there's multiple people. And with speeches I usually find myself much more curious in how others are hearing the same words, enough so that I'll find I'm looking at anyone but the speaker.
What originally made me think of this was my remembering of all the different speeches given during my time with Players. Whenever Mr. vR, Mr. Smith, or Rob spoke before a show or at the cast party, the room would go silent, the side chatter disappeared, and everyone would give them their full attention. Often, some of my best friends in Players would react more emotionally to their words and this would always draw my attention. At other times, I would catch the eye of someone who knew exactly what I was thinking, or felt the exact same way about where we were, and a knowing nod was exchanged. Silent, but with all of the same meaning as trying to say it.
I think it's incredible how much meaning can be expressed without saying a word. I think some of the most remarkable conveyances of feeling for me have been completely silent, just by using eye contact and touch. I feel like I can really relate to someone who doesn't start to freak out if we've just been sitting in silence for however long. You know those people who start to get anxious or worried if nobody has said anything for a little while? I also find it incredible when someone can stare at me and not get weirded out by it. Not many people can.
Now on to more recent events. This is going to seem like a major step back in time, but I haven't had the chance to talk about it yet.
A while back I went to Cabaret and it was weird. I was in the audience (first row, thank you very much), I was watching my old a cappella group practice before the show, and I desperately wanted to go up and sing with them again. Maybe I still feel like we got robbed when we didn't get our May concert last year, maybe I just miss the whole feeling of singing and being a part of a group that much. I think it's probably more of the latter, but regardless, I was jealous.
But I saw people at Cabaret too! Wyn and Maggie and Jake and Steve were there, and it was amazing to see them! Everyone's doing so well. Maggie looks incredible, and she was so much fun to see again. I miss her terribly now, but I'm really happy she's doing so well. And then over thanksgiving break I finally got to see Jeff, and the man looks damn good. He's an actor. He's going to be famous. He looks older and that much more aware of things. But he looks good. I wish we had more time, but he needed his time with Veronica too, and I completely understand that.
Heather's is always a fabulous time, and I love Art and Sue so much. And then there's Elle, Lina, Hannah and in a separate catagory, Sara. I'm so glad that we are still as close as we are, and that it's never weird to see them again. We take our friends for granted and when we leave, we should never expect things to be even remotely the same when we come back. These four have been in another league though, and instead I jump up and run to see them each time. I feel like I have a connection with Sara that I don't have with anyone else right now. Sorta hard to explain. She's just an awesome, amazing person.
I still haven't seen Kelsey Heinze though. This is a major problem. Big, huge, catastrophic, cataclysmic even. It's just wrong. I'm going to see her during the weekend of the Players show, but dear god, it's been so long and it's so not fair. I'm going through serious withdraw and it's taking it's toll. I can't even explain the effects to anyone, they're too horrific to mention. I'm so fucking excited to finally see her.
The truth be told, I haven't finished my letter to Players yet. I've started about three of them, and each one is completely different. I remember the presidents having to skim through certain letters because they were too long, so I don't want that to happen, I just need to finish one. Have no fear, it'll be done. I just need to think about it...
Went to the Off the Beat show, picked up their new CD, already have it memorized. 'Nuff said. It's different from their past releases in a couple ways. It's not nearly as "loud" or "harsh" sounding. But they're gods. Deb is out of this world.
If a lot of these snippets seem random...they kinda are. I have so much I feel I need to recap on, plus all the thoughts running through my head. I think part of me feels like if I finally get some of these out I'll have some more room to think about things and expand on them. I really need to finish that Players letter.
And there's always more to say. I don't know how I'll ever truly catch up but this feels like a step in the right direction. I'll have a lot more free time soon enough, but finals are right around the corner and while I'm not exactly working myself to the bone, I'll be more busy than before. Break is in a week and a half, and then I'm scott free to write without any hesitation. Until then...keep commenting. =)
What originally made me think of this was my remembering of all the different speeches given during my time with Players. Whenever Mr. vR, Mr. Smith, or Rob spoke before a show or at the cast party, the room would go silent, the side chatter disappeared, and everyone would give them their full attention. Often, some of my best friends in Players would react more emotionally to their words and this would always draw my attention. At other times, I would catch the eye of someone who knew exactly what I was thinking, or felt the exact same way about where we were, and a knowing nod was exchanged. Silent, but with all of the same meaning as trying to say it.
I think it's incredible how much meaning can be expressed without saying a word. I think some of the most remarkable conveyances of feeling for me have been completely silent, just by using eye contact and touch. I feel like I can really relate to someone who doesn't start to freak out if we've just been sitting in silence for however long. You know those people who start to get anxious or worried if nobody has said anything for a little while? I also find it incredible when someone can stare at me and not get weirded out by it. Not many people can.
Now on to more recent events. This is going to seem like a major step back in time, but I haven't had the chance to talk about it yet.
A while back I went to Cabaret and it was weird. I was in the audience (first row, thank you very much), I was watching my old a cappella group practice before the show, and I desperately wanted to go up and sing with them again. Maybe I still feel like we got robbed when we didn't get our May concert last year, maybe I just miss the whole feeling of singing and being a part of a group that much. I think it's probably more of the latter, but regardless, I was jealous.
But I saw people at Cabaret too! Wyn and Maggie and Jake and Steve were there, and it was amazing to see them! Everyone's doing so well. Maggie looks incredible, and she was so much fun to see again. I miss her terribly now, but I'm really happy she's doing so well. And then over thanksgiving break I finally got to see Jeff, and the man looks damn good. He's an actor. He's going to be famous. He looks older and that much more aware of things. But he looks good. I wish we had more time, but he needed his time with Veronica too, and I completely understand that.
Heather's is always a fabulous time, and I love Art and Sue so much. And then there's Elle, Lina, Hannah and in a separate catagory, Sara. I'm so glad that we are still as close as we are, and that it's never weird to see them again. We take our friends for granted and when we leave, we should never expect things to be even remotely the same when we come back. These four have been in another league though, and instead I jump up and run to see them each time. I feel like I have a connection with Sara that I don't have with anyone else right now. Sorta hard to explain. She's just an awesome, amazing person.
I still haven't seen Kelsey Heinze though. This is a major problem. Big, huge, catastrophic, cataclysmic even. It's just wrong. I'm going to see her during the weekend of the Players show, but dear god, it's been so long and it's so not fair. I'm going through serious withdraw and it's taking it's toll. I can't even explain the effects to anyone, they're too horrific to mention. I'm so fucking excited to finally see her.
The truth be told, I haven't finished my letter to Players yet. I've started about three of them, and each one is completely different. I remember the presidents having to skim through certain letters because they were too long, so I don't want that to happen, I just need to finish one. Have no fear, it'll be done. I just need to think about it...
Went to the Off the Beat show, picked up their new CD, already have it memorized. 'Nuff said. It's different from their past releases in a couple ways. It's not nearly as "loud" or "harsh" sounding. But they're gods. Deb is out of this world.
If a lot of these snippets seem random...they kinda are. I have so much I feel I need to recap on, plus all the thoughts running through my head. I think part of me feels like if I finally get some of these out I'll have some more room to think about things and expand on them. I really need to finish that Players letter.
And there's always more to say. I don't know how I'll ever truly catch up but this feels like a step in the right direction. I'll have a lot more free time soon enough, but finals are right around the corner and while I'm not exactly working myself to the bone, I'll be more busy than before. Break is in a week and a half, and then I'm scott free to write without any hesitation. Until then...keep commenting. =)
posted by Tilly at 2:20 PM
3 Comments:
Not going to lie: your posts are intelligent, articulate and above-all awesome. You keep posting; I'll keep commenting.
not gonna lie, that post struck a nerve, and I'm not exactly sure why. Maybe it's the scary reality that our long-distance friendships could fade at any moment, and the relief that they're actually still completely intact. Or maybe it's the sudden realization that not too far in the future, we'll be the ones agonizing over our players letters and watching chambers as a member of the audience. Whatever the case, I'm glad you're back to posting again.
I can always relate to so much of what you say here Tillman. I too, am a people watcher. In fact, it's one of my absolute favorite activities, and those moments of silent understanding are some of the most significant in my life, even if they're only with strangers.
It's strange to be in the audience in places where you once were on stage. Just wait until Players. Part of you wants to stand up out of your seat and climb up there with them. It's so difficult to resit.
I'm glad you got to see people and feel connected with them again. It's funny how you can miss people, but not realize just how much you've missed them until the moment you see them again.
I know your players letter will be wonderful and inspiring and greatly appreciated. I know it will carry on that "tradition of excellence for which we all strive" to quote VR.
You are awesome. You're blog is awesome. Keep writing kiddo.
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