Girls, Girls, Girls

Alright ladies and gentlemen, here we go. Over the past few days there's been some significant realizations I've had about girls, and until now I've been somewhat dodgy when it comes to answering people's questions about what's exactly going through my mind. Not anymore. I'm laying it all down. Strap yourselves in, this could get ugly.

First, I just need to lay something on the line. I realized something during my midterms here that I hadn't thought about in a really long time, but that really makes a lot of sense. I was thinking about the amount of work here, and how some people are so motivated to really get through all of it, but also find joy in accomplishing each assignment, whereas I just sorta sit there and stare at them. For some reason I flashed back to junior year. I mean, for some reason, CHA decided to award me as the most improved junior out of my entire class. Something was different that year...and I couldn't put my finger on it right away. The fact of the matter is that I was happier than I had ever been. I was in a relationship that changed my life. No, it wasn't perfect, but I had never learned so much and been so happy. She was there, she was in my life and having her was just magical. Being in love is indescribable, and just thinking about her made life better. Life became more that much more important because she was there, and so did doing my work. We could work together, or I would work so that I could see her. It will sound cliché and stupid, but I wanted to do better for her. It sounds life altering, but it really was. It was the most important thing in my life, being with her. It's how it was, plain and simple.

I don't have that in my life right now, being single. But it's true that when you're with someone else, it's not just about you anymore. It's about both of you, and I was really motivated to do better for myself when I was with someone else. Needless to say, I want to feel that again.

Now let's talk details. I know that's what's gotten you through this far, so I'm caving. As of now, there are three girls here that I consistently find myself wishing I was spending more time with. I'm being brave and using names...sometimes, I wish I knew exactly who reads this...

The first is Leila, from my english and drawing classes. Since I've gotten here she is without a doubt the most beautiful girl I've seen. I met her when I was registering for classes, and could only pray to god that she wasn't a fashion major. We basically introduced ourselves, and then went our separate ways. I damn near had a heart attack when I walked into both my english and drawing classes. There she was...and since then, we've become pretty close. I know some of you are saying, "What are you waiting for, idiot!?!". Well, she has a boyfriend of over a year and he's not that far away. Also, she lives off campus, so it's not exactly convenient to just nip out and see her whenever I want. However, she has become a great friend and has resorted to pointing out every girl she sees and telling me to go tap that. She's really fun and it just makes it harder. Bah.

Second we have Ariel (Yes, like the Little Mermaid). She's from California. I met her through orientation, as we were in the same group. She's really great and basically there's nothing holding me back (I'll get to that later...) except for a couple key points. One is that I hardly EVER see her. Different dorm, not a single class together, and she's always very busy with something or another. I usually catch her in the hall and we'll get a brief second to say hi, but basically that's it. My roommate, the lucky fuck, has his three main classes with her. I offered to trade schedules with him, but he wouldn't have it. Bastard.

Lastly, there's this girl Michala. I met her when a bunch of us were waiting outside to get into a restaurant and she walked up with her roommate asking how long the wait was. She ranks just under Leila as the most attractive girl I've seen since I've been here. She's an interior design major, and very nice, but also incredibly sexy, regardless of whether she means to be or not. The problem? I see her less than I see Ariel, and she lives in the same building as me. Also, when it comes to her, I get incredibly shy. Dunno, she's just so...I don't know.

Yeah...I'm shy, another problem.

Apparently, the freshmen class at Pratt is divided so that something like 65-70% is female. To make matters more interesting, there are 39 males in my dorm. My dorm has 5 floors with at least 30 students on each, so right off the bat it's logical to think that things are looking up. Unfortunately, logic fails. As for other girls...the first thing I had to come to grips with is that no matter how hard the work load is, this is an ART SCHOOL. I know, shocking, right? How does this translate into anything remotely involving relationships? I'll tell you. Naturally, the first thing that grabs someone's attention is how attractive they find another person. Having attended Pratt for a couple months now, I have discovered that many more than half the girls I here are very, very creative in the way that they choose to...ahem...display themselves. And not in very flattering ways. At all. Ever.

Almost every single person here is pierced in some way, many multiple times in multiple places. Lips, eyes, noses, tongues, belly buttons, you name it they've done it. And then there's the hair...oh dear god the hair. Purple, orange, green, red, pink, gradient style, it's all here. Mohawks, spikes, emo, everything, it's all here. And the clothing can't be described. You have to see it to believe it.

There's nothing wrong with this. In fact, it's fucking awesome to be able to look around campus and just marvel at the individuality of everyone. It's shocking, but it's so cool. The place just oozes diversity and culture. In fact, there's only one problem I've found so far - I find many of those things to be unattractive. Turn-offs, if you will. Another issue that you find yourself just learning to deal with is that EVERYONE smokes. It should practically be on the application. I haven't really told anyone here yet, but smoking is a huge turn-off. It's just gross...

I guess that sums up the situation right now...well...almost. And yet...certain things you have to keep to yourself. It's funny, actually, that I can talk to people at Pratt about all the things I can't say on this blog, because they don't really know what it means. I guess I don't even know what it means. I'm not trying to be difficult, or draw attention to the information that won't be posted, but it's important to acknowledge that this isn't it, that I do think about others. It's one of those things that feels so right, and I love her so much, and...well, what can I say? I know, I'm frustrating, I'm sorry.

And I love you all, and continue to think about you every day. I can't wait to see any of you, I'm counting down the days. =)