A New Beginning

The anonymous poster is right. Sexual frustration and flirting with disaster, among other things, are key elements of my life recently. I was also told not long ago that I need to "get some". I'll be perfectly honest, I wasn't quite sure how to respond to this. It's not really important when the last time I "got some" was, nor who it happened with. I wouldn't say I was sexually frustrated, rather that I miss that aspect of connecting with women. Hahaha...poetic, right? Just a nice way of saying I wouldn't object to some female attention? Perhaps...

Flirting with disaster is of course, a much more complicated issue. I remember posting about flirting as being one of the most wonderful things in the world...and this aspect of it completely slipped my mind. Because I don't immedietly recall the negatives of flirting. They come to mind only in certain scenarios.

But enough with it all. What I really want to say in this post is that sometimes a grudge must be overlooked. Sometimes, and it can be very rare that it actually happens, but sometimes there are people that are too wonderful and too important to be kept locked out for life. One lesson I've been taught through and through again is forgiveness, because if you cannot forgive, you will never be able move forward in life.

I believe that my friends have been holding a grudge in my defense for the past year or so, and I now ask for them to please lay it down. If it was out of love for me, please be assured that I know how much my friends all care about me. I love them too. But now I need them to forgive. I know...I know that sometimes I have been absolutely miserable and that you've had to deal with me through this entire escapade. But move on with me. Do not ask me to keep someone out of my life, because it just will not happen...it can't. I never want to lock anyone out nor hold a grudge against anyone because what good can come of it? I want her in my life. She is wonderful and good and everything that my friends and I once celebrated every time we saw her. And we all loved her. And I still love her.

So maybe this post is holds much more purpose than i originally intended for it. Maybe it's to show that I still care for someone. I know it's to prove that I need her in my life, no matter what the purpose it is that she serves - I need her. And if I could do one thing for her, it would be to make sure that she does not have to worry about what my friends think of her. Please, my friends, please hear me now.

I am on my knees, begging your forgiveness.