Finally!
Okay - sue me. I know I haven't updated in a very very long time, but it's just one of those things...sometimes I want to post three or four times a day, other times I'll go for weeks without a single word. Regardless, here is what may or may not be a long overdue entry in my online journal.
We're recording Chamber Singers (Hilltones/Laurelei/Chamber Singers) tomorrow, and I want it to work and work well so badly I can't put it into words. I want members of the group to remember us, to look back and be reminded of how wonderful we were, because we do sound good enough to cut an actual record. We deserve a studio and professional mixing, and we aren't going to get it because Roland is who he is.
Over the past weeks I've been in a somewhat solitary state, and in complete contrast to how I actually wanted to be spending my time. I've wanted to be with my friends, going out, having fun, trying to cram in as much time with them as possible before we graduate. I've been blaming my lack of contact with them on the fact that my cell phone was run over and so I have no numbers to contact them with, but this is such a lame excuse and it's really just sad. I miss my friends. And sure I miss the guys, but I really really miss the girls. And sure, that's just the guy in me speaking out in sexual frustration, but damn do I miss them. And what's the actual reason behind this wall of excuses? I'm shy, and I'm scared of rejection, even though what rejection is there to be afraid of? But my mind creates some variation of it and I'm left hiding.
I've got to raise my confidence level around women. That's really the bottom line. How much do I want to call some of the girls that I know and ask to pick them up and take them out? Just spending time with them is wonderful.
And I don't know if this is actually a topic anyone who's reading this wants to know about but I am thinking about one girl more than the others, and it's just that invisible wall I still manage to hide myself behind that's holding me back. In the words of someone, I need to suck it up. I manage to convince myself that there's more time, but damnit!!! I just gotta do it, ya know??
Graduation parties this weekend - and there will be plenty of Hilltones at every one. We're going to sing our asses off, plain and simple. I love this group.
And so I'll leave you with that. I'll update again soon...the lack of writing isn't good for me.
We're recording Chamber Singers (Hilltones/Laurelei/Chamber Singers) tomorrow, and I want it to work and work well so badly I can't put it into words. I want members of the group to remember us, to look back and be reminded of how wonderful we were, because we do sound good enough to cut an actual record. We deserve a studio and professional mixing, and we aren't going to get it because Roland is who he is.
Over the past weeks I've been in a somewhat solitary state, and in complete contrast to how I actually wanted to be spending my time. I've wanted to be with my friends, going out, having fun, trying to cram in as much time with them as possible before we graduate. I've been blaming my lack of contact with them on the fact that my cell phone was run over and so I have no numbers to contact them with, but this is such a lame excuse and it's really just sad. I miss my friends. And sure I miss the guys, but I really really miss the girls. And sure, that's just the guy in me speaking out in sexual frustration, but damn do I miss them. And what's the actual reason behind this wall of excuses? I'm shy, and I'm scared of rejection, even though what rejection is there to be afraid of? But my mind creates some variation of it and I'm left hiding.
I've got to raise my confidence level around women. That's really the bottom line. How much do I want to call some of the girls that I know and ask to pick them up and take them out? Just spending time with them is wonderful.
And I don't know if this is actually a topic anyone who's reading this wants to know about but I am thinking about one girl more than the others, and it's just that invisible wall I still manage to hide myself behind that's holding me back. In the words of someone, I need to suck it up. I manage to convince myself that there's more time, but damnit!!! I just gotta do it, ya know??
Graduation parties this weekend - and there will be plenty of Hilltones at every one. We're going to sing our asses off, plain and simple. I love this group.
And so I'll leave you with that. I'll update again soon...the lack of writing isn't good for me.
posted by Tilly at 10:29 PM
1 Comments:
amen with the whole confidence bit around the opposite sex. tho it may look as tho i have amazing confidence around ppl its at the whole sexual bit where i turn shy. keep trying at it tho cause i think ur amazing and the girl that gets u has to be the luckiest girl alive
so rock on.
love you number one fan
Lina
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