Mentor of Humor

My uncle is probably the smartest, most hilarious person I know. He's brilliantly funny, incredibly quick with his wit, and just one of those people who lights up a gathering and drives conversation. I can only hope to be as amazing as he is when I'm older.

Last night, he brought up incredible quotations of Groucho Marx and Mark Twain. I thought I'd copy them down for future reference of my senior page and anyone else that stumbles upon this journal.

Groucho Marx:

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!

Women should be obscene and not heard.

I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself.

He may look like an idiot, and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you, he really is an idiot.

Last night I shot an elephant in my pajamas and how he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

Mark Twain:

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

I love great writing.